“Those who love me know my name”
(Neeltje Maria Min)

“But I can love you, like no else else …”
(De Dijk)

A declaration of love

I want to be able to love you in complete freedom. I once adopted two mottos: “Don’t take me for granted”, and “Don’t fence me in”. They come from the Darkover stories about Renunciate women, alien Amazons. No official ties (with men in those novels) unless necessary, and if desired, we have our own rituals for what we consider important.

I don’t want a relationship escalator* with marriage-like situations, with entitlements Because [because that’s just the way it is, that’s the way it goes, because we have a Relationship]. Entitlement by agreement, because that’s what we agreed.

I don’t want to live together, I want to be welcome with the one I love. I’ll give you my keys, for whenever. You are always welcome unless you are not (at that moment).

I’m not looking for a “real” romantic relationship. I want romantic moments because the occasion lends itself to it. Because spending a beautiful/exciting/romantic day together is fun. Sex can be fun, but whatever. There is no cherry (because there is no spoon ? ). I appreciate affection much more, in whatever form. As lovers, ideally we are first and foremost friends. If you´d ask me if I have a partner, my answer would be that I relate differently, I have relationships in other ways.

Maybe I don’t recognize your acts of love immediately as such. If you don’t literally let me feel or tell me, I may overlook it, not appreciate it as such. As a neurospicy figure, I don’t always connect things in the ‘normal’ way. C’est la vie ?

Come and stay the night from time to time, it’s cozy, it’s gezellig. I have an electric blanket for when you get cold easily ?

Polymorphous

I want to love in big and small ways, polymorphously perverse** (the latter is still a bit difficult in this cishet-normative world). And have a few people very close to me in that. How close, practice and time will tell. We also need to have time for our other significant others. Close by and further away. In friendship and in struggle.

I want us to admire each other in how we boldly embrace life and thus give the forces of darkness a kiss, laughing and twirling with our asses.

That’s how I want to be able to love you.

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*The idea of the relationship escalator assumes that a relationship begins with a date and ends with cohabitation, a mortgage, children, and so on. See also here (including scary straight image!).

** Polymorphous perverse: this is what Freud called the state of the untrained child. Queers have taken this up as a rejection of the monogamous and heterosexual couple norm.